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Filtered dictionary
The incredibly common, deeply humiliating corporate error of announcing a document that you completely failed to upload.
Read full entry →The hollow performance of community activism, involving photographing broken infrastructure with zero intention of actually sending an email.
Read full entry →A deeply pretentious footer attached to corporate emails by an HR manager who thinks they are a spiritual guru.
Read full entry →A vicious, condescending opener used by managers to highlight your absolute failure to grasp a basic concept.
Read full entry →A 15-minute purgatory where Windows forces you to stare at a spinning circle, delaying the misery of your inbox.
Read full entry →The digital equivalent of throwing a grenade into a crowded room, performed by an idiot who doesn't understand mailing lists.
Read full entry →Providing far more personal travel detail in an automated email response than any recipient actually needs or wants.
Read full entry →An aggressively upbeat closing phrase deployed with total disregard for the actual tone or content of the preceding message.
Read full entry →The performative act of sending correspondence at an unreasonable hour purely to signal effort rather than urgency.
Read full entry →A sudden, total memory failure regarding a Secret Santa gift recipient, occurring exclusively the night before the deadline.
Read full entry →Delivering a passive-aggressive reminder of a prior message with just enough politeness to seem professional and just enough edge to sting.
Read full entry →The technical failure of an automated email response to switch off on schedule, continuing to confuse senders for days.
Read full entry →Blindsided by an unintended text substitution that slipped past a hurried proofread and into a sent professional message.
Read full entry →A polite-sounding email sign-off that pre-emptively guilts the recipient into compliance before they've agreed to anything.
Read full entry →Haunted by an automated email response from a previous holiday that never got switched off, quietly confusing everyone since.
Read full entry →Falsely projecting patience via email while quietly expecting an immediate response within the hour.
Read full entry →Struck by the sudden, irreversible horror of an email sent to three hundred people instead of one.
Read full entry →The immediate collective anxiety triggered by corporate euphemism ahead of an unwelcome company announcement.
Read full entry →An involuntary physical reaction to hearing your own recorded voice, which never once sounds the way you imagine it.
Read full entry →A tense internal debate about how much passive aggression is professionally acceptable in a single sentence.
Read full entry →The horror of realising a habitual, affectionate sign-off has just been sent to someone entirely inappropriate.
Read full entry →The principled, furious refusal to invent a new password for a retailer you will literally only use once in your life.
Read full entry →A desperate, scorched-earth digital cleansing where you accept failure and permanently ignore years of correspondence.
Read full entry →An apocalyptic email chain reaction that crashes the company server, driven entirely by idiots trying to be helpful.
Read full entry →The dictionary is still being written
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