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Filtered dictionary
A dating profile featuring images significantly outdated compared to the person's current appearance.
Read full entry →Recognising, mid-laugh, that a story or joke has already been told once and you're now hearing it for the second time.
Read full entry →An overwhelming, vaguely worded conversational opener that leaves the other person scrambling to summarise an entire life.
Read full entry →A considerate, unprompted heads-up sent ahead of an unavoidable delay, sparing the other person any needless anxiety.
Read full entry →An unspoken, simultaneous decision by two people on a date that it should end well before the planned hour is up.
Read full entry →The last-minute, exam-style revision of a date's dating profile to avoid asking a question they've already answered.
Read full entry →An unwelcome scheduling collision between a work-mandated bonding activity and genuinely anticipated social plans.
Read full entry →A perfectly, cruelly timed piece of software maintenance that guarantees maximum disruption at the worst possible moment.
Read full entry →A dated in-family reference so old it's outlived its context, kept alive purely out of tradition and mild cruelty.
Read full entry →Sincere-sounding but entirely hollow; loaded with warmth that carries no actual intention behind it.
Read full entry →A rare, pleasant deviation from the national expectation that all queues will move at a glacial, soul-crushing pace.
Read full entry →A perfectly timed technological failure that guarantees you miss kickoff, the goal, and possibly the whole first half.
Read full entry →A cruel, perfectly timed coincidence between a council permit renewal date and increased enforcement activity.
Read full entry →A treasured, wildly outdated pub fixture stuck permanently somewhere around 2009 in both questions and graphics.
Read full entry →A public act of enthusiastic greeting immediately followed by the crushing realisation it was never meant for you.
Read full entry →A sudden jolt of financial dread triggered by a single camera flash and an outdated Vauxhall Corsa.
Read full entry →The act of turning a trivial update into an unlistenable audio drama that recipients will avoid opening until Tuesday.
Read full entry →A non-committal gesture of recognition performed to avoid the crushing social cost of full eye contact with a near-stranger.
Read full entry →An ongoing financial penalty paid purely to maintain the fantasy that you might one day use a treadmill.
Read full entry →A tragic display of shopping hubris resulting in a customer dropping a cucumber and crushing a loaf of bread against their chin.
Read full entry →The lazy, heel-crushing friction dance performed to remove tight footwear without expending the energy to untie the laces.
Read full entry →A disastrous logistical failure at the till, resulting in bread being crushed beneath six pints of milk and a melon.
Read full entry →The instant, biological rejection of a romantic prospect triggered by them performing a completely mundane but deeply uncool action.
Read full entry →The psychological torment of anticipating standing in a stranger's armpit on the Central line for the next five days.
Read full entry →The dictionary is still being written
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